Stage 4 – Depression … The Essential Step
This is the stage where you feel like you are living inside a country song about a woman named after an expensive jewel, taking her love to town.
Washing your hair, getting out of bed, cleaning the house, taking a shower, all feel pointless.
Mostly empty pizza boxes are half hidden under the sofa and dirty dishes are piling up.
Every achey-breaky song is like it was written specifically for you and what you are going through.
You are feeling like you can meet 10,000 people and not find the kind of connection you had with this 1. You were perfect for each other and now they’re gone.
This was a once in a lifetime connection and now … they’re gone. Gone, gone, gone. And you don’t know how you’ll ever get over it.
Welcome. You’ve reached the delightful pit stop called ‘The Darkest Hour Before the Dawn’.
This stage can be the longest, lasting weeks, or even months.
All you’ll want to do is reflect on this breakup, try to figure it out, replay memories and just sink into the sadness.
As if that’s not difficult enough, it’s also about this time that well-meaning friends and relatives start on their ‘Isn’t it time to get over it and move on, darling?’ campaign.
What you are feeling is normal. (Unless it lasts too long or you feel like you want to hurt yourself or anyone else. If you do, we’ve moved from Breakup Grief to problems that need professional help, that you will promise right now to get, right?)
You’re now feeling the magnitude of the breakup and there’s not much that can cheer you up. This is THE DEPRESSION STAGE.
By depression, I mean sadness in the normal human range, not clinical depression. Yours may run from a mild sadness to a deep heart pain..
I can tell you these truths however:
– Nothing lasts forever. This pain and sadness your feel right now CAN end too.
But right now you may or may not hear it or believe it. Right now, it’s more about sinking into this state for a while in order to get through it.
It’s all too common in our society to go to two extremes: Either give into it entirely and escape from everyday life. Think marathon netflix, phone games, and eating only takeaway for a long period of time. Or pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and carry on, pushing down the feelings of sadness. It’s another form of escape and usually done by dating new people too quickly and socialising too much … sometimes by going to extremes with fitness and diets. And often without much happening between these two extremes.
What people need however is to go through the PROCESS of grieving … including the stage of depression. You’ve got to go through it so you can get to other side. Otherewise, you’ll just repress it and it will come up to bit your in the tush at a most inconvenient time in the future.
So here is what I recommend instead.
Give yourself some time to withdraw from world, if you can afford to. Do the sad song/netflix/pizza and Ben & Jerry’s dinners. Don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t feel up to doing. BUT GIVE YOURSELF A TIME LIMIT.
I recommend no more than a week.
- start adding some healthy habits to your day.
- 1 walk a day outdoors, as long or as short as you like.
- At least one healthy meal a day
- Journal and write out what you feel as much as you want. (Most everyone feels it’s such a chore when they hear this but they also really get into it once they start.) Write the sad and the ugly, as well as the good. No one else has to see this.
- Reach out to someone who cares about you at least every other day. It can even be a short text message. Unless you’re an introvert and you need time alone to heal. If that’s the case, start the social contact at a later date.
- Deep Breathing! The most underestimated healing tool! Stop and take 5 deep breaths in and out, at least 3 times a day. (Inhale through the nose, exhale through the nose or mouth, whatever you prefer.)
Because these are small steps, it won’t overwhelm you.
Then start increasing the good habits and choices until it’s your lifestyle.
The important thing here is that let yourself FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL, instead of repressing it, but also steer your self-care throughout this stage.
This is self-love. Possibly even more than you’ve shown yourself before.
And when your self-love is healthy, you can go back out in the world of dating if you choose knowing you’ll take good care of yourself, and also show any future partners how to love you.
We are here to help you through this, so please ring us. All of us here at Anasa Psychics have experienced this and know how to support you through it!
However it’s terribly important to be mindful if the quite human and normal sense of feeling sad and down, turns into more serious depression. If it does, you don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out for help. If you can see a professional therapist, do.
Stay tuned for how to drive through the next stage – the Doldrums of Depression.
Click here for the Intro to the series
Click here for Stage 1 – Denial
Click here for Stage 2 – Anger
Click here for Stage 3 – Bargaining / Negotiation
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